We were married for a year. This is the second marriage for both of us. We tried to confuse families with all of us and brought two biological children to our new family. It was as hard as we ever imagined, even if we were both family-mixed. We have continued to fight the same fundamental issues. We tried to work our communication skills and read books to mix families. We have come to this marriage with childhood issues and these behaviors have passed through this relationship. I even tried to get her to listen to this awareness. I tried to persuade him not to react to the way he always reacted. I kept trying to force my will. Then I remembered the saying that changed an important perspective for me: "Do not go to the grocery store"
I heard this in a 12-step recovery program a few years ago and laughed loudly, uncomfortably when I first heard it. It was as simple as the loudest rumors, but it was the heart of the matter. I realized I did the same thing over and over again and expected other results. I heard this is the definition of crazy. I did things I knew I did not get the results I wanted, but I'm still keeping them. I thought things were changing even when there was no sign that they were. I always went to the dairy warehouse and was upset that she was not milk again.
At this moment, the eloquent teenager in me said, "Duh !!!" After experiencing this consciousness, I realized where I got what I needed. I could call any friend who always felt better after I talked to him. I could write my thoughts, which always felt better. I could find other ways to feel better in the situation than to visit the milk. Even with my husband I was able to discuss this awareness and I sincerely apologized for the pressure I had on this. After both of us made great efforts, including honest self-esteem, reading and discussing various books on second marriage, and working with outside help, things were much better. The most important difference to me is that I now know that I have a choice on where I can, when I need it, and my husband has the freedom to have a warehouse or any store he chooses. I am very happy to say that after a marriage of 2 years is the shop I need.
- Are there any people or areas in your life that you do the same things and expect other results?
- What do you think of a hardware store you're going to wait to get milk? one thing you can change?